say it all

When I give marriage advice I have this little lie inside of me that whispers, “No one will take you seriously because you have been married for only two and half years.” But the truth is, I view this platform as a way to connect with you, a way for both of us to navigate and learn, my “advice” on anything is always coming from a place of deep humility where I am speaking words of life into my own heart, and hopefully yours as well.

If I could say one thing to my younger self, I would tell her this.

Zak can’t read your mind.

Looking back at our dating years and first year of marriage this was something I was terrible at, not saying but kinda saying what I wanted, what I was thinking. Just vague. I never wanted to cause a fuss or be difficult, but my unwillingness to be straight forward caused more feelings of disconnect and confusion for the both of us. When you bottle up your secret expectations, or hidden agendas it really isn’t fair to your spouse.

So here’s my marriage advice, say exactly what you mean at all times. Say exactly what you are wanting. Say exactly what you are hitting at.

Say it, exactly how you feel it. Exactly how you see it.

I thought asking for things would somehow take the “specialness” out of it. Asking for a date night, asking for a sweet love note, asking for time spent with, asking your spouse to do the dishes.

Sharing expectations, gives your spouse the platform to succeed.

Realizing this ugliness about myself, and practicing how to be more vocally direct has changed our marriage for the better. It has also trickled into other areas of my life, all for the better. And once you notice it in yourself, you can’t help but try and pull it out of other people.

Let’s not settle for good marriages, let’s strive towards wildly beautiful ones.